Back, with Epiphanies

A week walking the beach has helped clarify my thinking. The beach - on California's central coast - featured miles of boardwalk. 

I walked, collapsed into sleep, got up to eat, walked some more. The beach was so wild that a seal carcass was being devoured by vultures on the shore while I was there. It took them a few days. The live seals - at least the ones I could see - were very fat. 

The beach was covered with enormous bleached tree trunks and mountains of kelp swarming with kelp flies. It was invigorating and blissful to walk without a destination or goal in mind. 

When I wasn't walking or sleeping or eating, I was sitting and reading or thinking. The book I brought along is called Seven Thousand Ways to Listen by Mark Nepo. Here's the Amazon link (someday I'll figure out how to disguise this chunk of gibberish with a word):   http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Thousand-Ways-Listen-ebook/dp/B007EE4WX6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1378341327&sr=8-1&keywords=7%2C000+ways+to+listen

I'm not done with Seven Thousand Ways yet, but something I read in it made a powerful impact on me:

"...it occurred to me that while a bird starts out with a destination in mind, it simply rides the currents. As human beings, though, we somehow over-reach the currents, imagining routes and timetables that we have no control over. We call these routes and timetables goals. If large enough, they become ambitions and aspirations. Then we adhere to them as if they came from God."

I read this while lying on a hotel bed observing the way light moved across the plaster on the ceiling. Rarely am I that inert, so it zinged right in and hit home. Thank you, Mr. Nepo. I saw clearly how I over-plan my life. How I create projects and lists of things to do that ultimately oppress me. I have lists with undone items that go back years. I have not been riding the currents. 


I decided then and there to change how I approach my life. I've planned myself crazy over the past decade with segues from Palm Pilot to Day Timer to Filofax to Franklin Covey to iPhone to Uncalendar. Obviously this manner of finding my way does not work!!!

But I can't just stop cold. Yet. So now I'm only keeping a small ring binder with just a few sections in it:  Directions. Currents. Curiosities. Shopping. Schedule. Lists and Numbers. It will take some work to turn this juggernaut of planning in a new direction, especially since I can't just let everything go to heck.

 Perspective

The biggest change for me will be consciously sensing and riding the currents, mainly because I am not sure what falls under that rubric. Karma? The Tao? That's why I have a notes section for it. This is where I must learn to listen (and not just throw yarrow sticks).

Finding my directions will involve more sensing than thinking, too. Just last month I made a life changing choice to turn down a full time job in favor of keeping my part time position. That was not logical, given my financial needs, but when I listened to my heart the decision was ultimately very clear, and I've felt such deep inner peace following that choice that I know it was the right thing to do. 

Curiosities is the section where I will write all my questions, and whatever else may bemuse: Interesting quotes, observed oddities, peculiar thoughts.

The rest of the planner will be pretty standard. I'm using a week plus notes Filofax page with a clear flyleaf to which I affix stickies. Thank you to all who gave me this idea on your blogs and videos! I have some blank note paper behind the shopping tab, and anything that was formerly a goal or objective or project is going to be tucked away in the back under "Lists and Numbers".

Vacations are notorious for spawning life changing decisions that fizzle out once we are immersed in our daily life again. There is a real danger of this since my planning habit is so ingrained. 

I would love to hear if anyone else is looking at their calendars a bit differently. I wish you peace!

Thanks for reading.