November, Remember

For many, many years of my life, November brought trouble. For the astrologically minded, November brings my solar opposition (Scorpio Sun opposed Taurus Sun). I had a miscarriage, relationships ended, there were emergency surgeries, thefts. For most of my young adult years, November was not pretty. February wasn't much fun either.

Then as I became a 'mature adult' (ha ha), I decided that I was feeding into this mentally and creating the energy environment that would allow such things to happen, so if I wanted relief, I needed to change my beliefs. It was hard to do with all that evidence to the contrary, but I meditated and affirmed and in fact, November and February have been quiet, even pleasant months, for the past decade. 

Didn't know if this was the result of my energy work, or if maturity alone meant I no longer needed such dramatics in my life. I'd begun looking forward to fall and winter. They've become my favorite time of year!

But last year the trouble raged back in a nonstop November-March reign of terror. A very close friend died. My husband had been staying with her during an illness (severe, crippling back pain) that seemed completely unrelated to the stroke that destroyed her brain the day after Thanksgiving, and killed her two weeks later. None of us saw that coming, not her doctors, not her friends. 

She was single and childless, which left us dealing with the chaos of her large estate, to help an out of state trustee (a friend from her high school years) who could not leave her own work to do the job. The estate saleswoman turned out to be a thief, vanishing with all the proceeds. It was the perfect toxic end to a massively stressful 5 month long nightmare.

But by April, the estate was finally settled - we were done making those grueling weekly trips - and we could theoretically return to normal life again. But of course we didn't. It's just about now - almost a year later - that we are feeling more like ourselves again. 

And it's November again.

I no longer believe that November troubles derives from the energetics of my Solar Opposition. Winter is harder on older people, and our friend was a decade older than I am, as are most of my friends and loved ones. The friends I have who are younger than I am are fighting their own critical health battles. Most of us have lived the major portion of our lives already and are looking at shorter and shorter horizons.

I used to think that it was very nerdy to carry a planner and focus so much on organization of paperwork and household affairs. But my beliefs have been put to the test and now I know that my planner is, next to my water bottle and wallet, the most important thing I carry in my bag. Having the information I need with me creates a feeling of peaceful competency that has helped me through the major surgeries of my husband and mother over the past 4 years and now through the death of our close friend. And it will help me create legal and medical bulwarks against the storms that are sure to come again.