Reality is that the older my husband and mother get, the more time they require from me. Since they are diametrically opposed in temperament, they don't voluntarily spend any time together, which spreads me even thinner. Then, the fact is that I will need to work full time to improve my pension before retirement, but I don't see how I can take that time out of my life and still do everything else necessary.
I dreamed of a young boy left to die of exposure and woke realizing everything I've left out in the cold - everything that gets short shrift because I'm spreading myself too thin.
I don't spend enough time caring for my husband, my mother or our pets. I don't spend enough time caring for my own health, or doing what I should to secure my old age pension. I'm a writer and have two short stories scheduled for publication in 2014, but I'm not writing them. I haven't meditated or prayed or read devotional works in weeks. My part time job is becoming more and more demanding, and my schedule is expanding into former non-working hours.
Even my time-saving once a month shopping system has failed with Mom here. She has to go every week, as she did when she lived in the city and could get around with public transportation.
Spreading myself too thin means I may be attending a bit to everything but not doing a good job at any of it.
I haven't washed my car since…September. Yes, September.
But the sunset last night took my breath away. I stopped the car on my way home from work and took photographs:
Perhaps such a glorious symbol of something ending is fitting because like it or not I will need to make some big changes very soon.
Will need to let that idea marinate.
My husband is on board with the concept of ruthless simplicity. He's decided to scale back on a major home improvement project and might even sell his beloved boat. We've also decided to cancel a big trip we had planned for next year. The knife is slashing already, but not at the core issues I need to resolve.
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